Believing!

I am dedicating this thought to all my loved-ones, friends and relatives who have believed in me all these years and to those who are afraid to believe in things to come their way...

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We all know that life is full of unexpected moments and we live by the days with surprises. However, no matter how unpredictable life could be, we still believe that we can design it as our greatest masterpiece.

As a person with a very colourful background, I believe that I was and is still the one choosing the shades for my artistic masterpiece. I have faith in God and His guidance that is why I still believe that I can choose the shade I wanted. Allow me to share with you the shades I used...

Green

Two decades ago, I existed in a relaxed and soothing home... A home with a happy family! My Dad used to wake me in the mornings with smiles and laughter. I thought back then that my future will be as wonderful as this family...

Gray

I never thought that after those beautiful mornings with my Dad, a gloomy year was about to embrace me. This colour in my life came as a surprise. But because of faith, I embraced it with no regrets. In this shade of my life, I had to accept that the only man I cherish in this world would leave me and not see the dreams we both wanted. Acceptance is valour indeed!

Then, I had to accept a marriage at the age of 16, a baby at 17 and another at 18!

White

Three years of mournful colour is not the shade I always wanted. So, I enabled a purification of my soul. I chose a fresh beginning with my kids ONLY. In this shade of my life, I chose to be an outcast. I prefer to be separated from the rest of the world, yet complete within me. I struggled but I embraced every thorn with the courage to bleed just to love myself back.

Yellow

I believed then that even thorny paths can be turned into silky ones when you don't stop loving yourself. Shades of golden yellow carry the promise of a positive future, they say... So, I believed that this should be on the canvass of my masterpiece. I allowed time to see through me. My transparency brought me in God's hands through the man that no one has ever thought of believing in the beauty behind my depressed face.

Red

God rewarded me the soul of the man I cherished through another person, whom I will cherish for the rest of my life. I believed that shade of red can promise love and confidence to face every difficulty. I am blessed as well as my children with a father to respect and to love.

Green, again!

Who would have thought that my life I wished decades ago will now be mine? I have the wonderful family I always dreamt of. With my supportive family, my four lovely kids and my loving best-friend husband, I still believe that I can be blessed with all the shades I will courageously embrace.

I have struggled but I chose to believe that I can face the day with a smile because I chose it to be.

Today, I am preparing the next shade for my masterpiece. I believe that in God's time, he will lead me to where I should be.

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Let me pause here by saying...

"Always believe in the goodness of everything that come your way!"

The Search Series 1

Cardiff Journey

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”-- Lao Tzu

Who will ever think that my journey has started?

It was like yesterday when I was just a dreamer that one day I would be in a place where different people with different backgrounds will share minds and dreams together. Today, I am sitting on a place where Asian, Europeans and Africans study together and believe on achieving goals for life. I may be a simple being back in my own simple home but I dreamed that I will have my little share of some giants' path. It all started with a single step--believe!

My step towards achieving this first part of my journey here in Cardiff, Wales started with this single step. I believe that Allah has something in store for me. I may not be perfectly doing things the way others are doing but I simply took the challenge. It may be full of frustrations along the way but the courage to know is another step.

Why write about this? I hope my family, friends and even my students can get simple thoughts from my humble steps. The 26-hour travel from home to this land is not a simple journey to many. Thinking that anything in between won't allow you for a simple U-turn... Taking the plane from Manila to Amsterdam then to Cardiff is something I never thought of trying... But I did. For the sake of this dream.

Getting here is such a relief (Alhamdullilah)! 22 September 2010 is the date when my life here started. I am like a bird gone out of a cage, wandering in a jungle full of hunters, wanderers, wild animals, spirits and angels in disguise... Every single day is a challenging one. Every person I meet is a stranger who can be a mere acquaintance, a friend, a foe or just a stranger. Each of them has a face of uncertainty like I do.

This may NOT be a smooth adventure but I know deep in my heart, Allah is here to guide me. I just keep the faith. It may not be as religious as others but Allah knows what's mine.

If this journey mirrors what awaits then I shall willingly face the reflection...